Blast

I'd scarcely count my last post as anything but pure drivel. I have half a mind to take it off.

I don't really have much to say. No news, no stories, no will, no heart, no thoughts. I feel pretty much like an empty shell, to be perfectly honest, but not really in a bad way. I'm waiting for something to fill me up, and just too damn lazy to go looking for it.

In general, I'm just too damn lazy. In my social life, I stick to my tried-and-true high school friends, and although I'm friendlier than I was I'm comfortable enough here - so why should I try new things? In my classes, I slack as I always have and always will, and don't care nearly enough - no matter how important good grades are this year. I can get by; I always have, after all. In my spiritual life...heh. I tried at the beginning of the year. I tried with everything.

Here I am then, in the same groove I've always had. It's just too easy, and too much effort to try to leave it. Even in acknowledging this I feel little need to change. How is it that I even deserve life, if this is how I spend it? It IS a gift, and I've wasted it. I am wasting it even as I type this. God, I owe so much more than this to myself, to life, to the world, to You.

God, I'm a mess. Damn.