Luck

I suppose I should count myself lucky. Somehow, inexplicably, I have been able to forge close friendships in places where I would expect to be a stranger. As a self-proclaimed "shy person" - one who never goes out on a limb or *gasp* actually initiates conversations (the horror!), one would expect me to be lonely and friendless. Somehow, however, I still manage to find people who share my interests and - even - become very close friends. That these people always seem to be stronger, more competent, and possessing more integrity than me occassionally makes me wonder if I possess a talent for being a syncopant - but that is uncharitable, I suppose, to me and to my friends. I am simply attracted to the sort of people I want to be, and - somehow - they seem to think having me for a friend is a good thing, too.

Yes, I HAVE been lucky... or maybe it is merely God watching out for me. I really don't think I could find these people on my own. It always seems to take me by surprise when I suddenly have friends around me... and friends of the kind of quality I should, by rights, only be able to dream about.

Unfortunately, it feels more like a problem than luck right now. Since being at Newbold, I have forged a group of friends as close as the ones I left behind; since being home and having a chance, this last weekend, to renew my old close friendships, I feel kind of split up. Not VERY much so, but enough to feel slightly uncomfortable. I suppose I just need to tell myself how lucky I am that I have friends in different places - friends that provide inspiration, warmth, and a feeling that I must somehow be more worth it than I realize. Being sort of divided isn't really a bad thing after all, if it means I have people I can rely on wherever I go.